Cup Final Lost, in Five Games, to Anaheim

One Cup Final in thirty-three yeahs, 2007, and Anaheim wrapped it up in five. The whole city waited fifteen yeahs for a first time and it was ovah befoah it started. One and done, kid, like a guy who's been savin' himself.

First-Round Sweeps, Not One Win in Any

Four first-round sweeps: Buffalo in '99, Toronto in '01, Pittsburgh in '08 and Carolina in 2026. Sixteen games, zero wins. Ottawa didn't lose those series, kid, they got ghosted four times.

Playoff Series Lost to the Maple Leafs

Five playoff series against Toronto, five Toronto wins: 2000, 2001, 2002, 2004 and 2025. The Leafs lose to everybody, pal, and Ottawa still found a way to be the exception.

Game 7 Losses, Zero Game 7 Wins

Six Game 7s since 1997 and Ottawa lost every one: Sabres, Leafs, Devils, Leafs again, Rangers, Penguins. They get to the big night and leave with their pants in their hand.

Straight Springs Without a Playoff Game

Seven straight springs without a playoff game, 2018 to 2024. Seven Aprils of Ottawa fans watchin' other cities' parades from the couch with a BeaverTail and a prayah.

Springs Since They Last Won a Playoff Series

Nine springs since Ottawa last won a playoff series. A kid born the last time they won one is in the fourth grade, and he's never seen it happen.

First-Round Exits, Home Before Dinner

Eleven first-round exits. Eleven times Ottawa got into the playoffs, said hello, and was home befoah the beer got warm. That's not a run, it's a walk of shame.

Springs on the Couch Watching Other Teams

Fifteen missed playoffs in thirty-three seasons. Ottawa spent nearly half its life on the couch watchin' other cities do it.

Teams Who Won a Cup Since Their First Game

Seventeen franchises have won the Cup since Ottawa played its first game. Vegas started in 2017 and had one by its sixth season. Ottawa's on yeah thirty-three. Kid, that's not a rebuild, that's a cry for help.

Losses in Their First Season, Ten Wins

Seventy losses in eighty-four games. The first yeah. Ten wins, four ties, twenty-four points. Folks, a coin flip would've won forty. Ottawa lost to the coin.

Days Without a Cup Since Their First Game

 

More than twelve thousand days since the Senators played their first game, and not one of 'em ended with a Cup. They won that first one, 5-3 ovah Montreal. Thirty-three yeahs of downhill, kid.

Ottawa lost seventy games, got the first pick, and took him ovah two Hall of Famers.

A crowded 1993 hockey draft hall where a cartoon man in a red and black jersey with a paper bag over his head proudly holds up a giant golden card reading 1ST PICK, a blackboard behind him covered in tally marks, two bagged men in suits in the front row with a Hall of Fame plaque and a golden trophy pointing at an empty red chair, fans in the back holding a cardboard lion head and a BeaverTail pastry, and a small warm lamp glowing at the left

Seventy losses in the first season, the first pick in the draft, and a straight-faced decision to skip two future Hall of Famers. Ottawa had one job and left it in a drawah.

Participation Trophies

  • Lost the 2007 Stanley Cup Final in Five Games to Anaheim
  • Lost Five Playoff Series to the Maple Leafs (2000, 2001, 2002, 2004, 2025) and Won None
  • Lost All Six Game 7s They Have Played (1997 to 2017)
  • Missed the Playoffs Seven Straight Seasons (2017–18 to 2023–24)
  • Lost 70 of 84 Games in Their First Season (1992–93), Tying San Jose for the Worst Record in the League

Terms of Unapologetic Boston Agreement

By remaining on fuckthesenators.com, you stipulate and agree to the following binding clauses under Commonwealth of Massachusetts Maritime & Hockey Law:

  1. The Ancient History Clause: Any Stanley Cup won by the original Senators in the 1920s counts purely as historical trivia, because the NHL says the new Senators are a different franchise, like the last time anybody in Ottawa got satisfied.
  2. The Everybody Clause: Every fan base in the league, including yours, is legally permitted to laugh at the Senators at any time and without notice.
  3. The No Crying Rule: All grievances, excuses about the Leafs, Game 7s or officiating must be directed to our official complaint department link in the footer.